voluntaryapnea: (these worried thoughts that plague)
Stiles Stilinski ([personal profile] voluntaryapnea) wrote2014-06-15 05:05 pm

06. No One Ever Tells You That Forever Feels Like Home -- Sitting All Alone Inside Your Head.



[Okay then. So that happened. He's gained memories that definitely aren't his, and he knows about things that he definitely shouldn't know about -- in detail; things he doesn't really want to know about. What makes it worse is that he's pretty sure that most of them are Bucky's. That the things he remembers but didn't live through -- are things Bucky actually did live through and wow is that not okay. He hopes he's wrong. That maybe some of it was Bucky was obvious, but how much he's not too clear on.

He's also pretty sure that Bucky got his memories, or at least some of them, and that's upsetting, too. He hasn't talked to Scott about it even though Scott had thought he was Captain America and the actual Captain America had thought he was a werewolf and really. None of this should even surprise him at this point. But it definitely gives him a headache. And there really just isn't enough Adderall in all of space and time for him to try and figure this all out on his own, but he's pretty sure if he doesn't figure out some of it at least, he'll end up driving himself crazy. And. Been there done that, really. He's pretty sure the universe still owes him a damn t-shirt for it, actually and maybe he'll just drop that request in with the admiral. Because his one other contact with the admiral had gone so well.

But it's all left him open to yet another sleepless night so he wanders the barge as he's taken to doing lately when insomnia hits.

He wanders the halls, to the library, to the top deck, trying to stop thinking about the latest flood for the time being.]




[Private Video -- Bucky]

[He's actually not sure where to start here because it seems kind of tactless to talk about someone being tortured for days -- and he knows that part happened because he remembers it from seeing the movie and that just adds a whole new level of gravity and horror to the situation. Because seriously if he'd had any idea back then that Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes were real people in any universe, he never would have watched to begin with.]

Hey, man. How's it going?

[Because a nonchalant, semi-casual conversation starter seems to be the way to go with this.]

[Private Video -- Scott]

So I don't know about you, but I feel...really weird about this whole...swapping lives sort of thing that happened.

[And yeah, he's going to do his best to ignore that whole 'it's Father's Day' thing going around. Because he misses his dad a lot. It does dawn on him that Scott might be having a rough day with it, though because Scott's dad is pretty much, in Stiles' opinion anyway, one of the douchiest douches that ever walked the earth they came from.]
imfollowinghim: (Do you still believe in love I wonder?)

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[personal profile] imfollowinghim 2014-06-16 12:35 am (UTC)(link)
[Don't worry Stiles - this is weird for Bucky, too, and it's not like he's an idiot. He can guess if he's got leftover memories of growing up in Beacon Hills with his dad and inadvertently getting Steve bit by a werewolf, Stiles's probably got memories of growing up in Brooklyn and following Scott around Europe putting down HYDRA agents and Nazis stupid enough to sneak up on his friend.

And some other stuff, too.

So he's not necessarily surprised by the contact, but he's pretty sure this is going to head into territory he's sort of not thrilled at the prospect of discussing.]


Not bad. [Which isn't explicitly true. Bucky's not in as bad shape as Stiles is, but it's still just as hard to fully relax and get to sleep as it's ever been. They've probably been narrowly missing each other in their midnight roamings.]

You?
imfollowinghim: (What am I Rin Tin Tin?)

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[personal profile] imfollowinghim 2014-06-16 01:15 am (UTC)(link)
[Maybe it's stuff like that that made the Admiral decide it might be fun to muddle them around a bit - Bucky's been pretending stuff hasn't bothered him as much as it has ever since he can remember, really, and it's good when people just buy into it and don't spend too much time prying.]

It was pretty weird, yeah. [That's definitely easy enough to agree to.] I didn't realize Scott used to have asthma. [Or was raised by a single mom who did her best to give him everything he needed while spending way too much time working at a hospital.

Unless that was just Sarah Rogers bleeding over into their weird little alternate universe. It's not like Scott's ever told him about his mom.

And, well, he could maybe leave it at that, but.]


You don't sound that convinced.
imfollowinghim: (You'll be standing all alone.)

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[personal profile] imfollowinghim 2014-06-16 01:40 am (UTC)(link)
I'm getting the idea, yeah. [Just like how agreeing to some super secret science experiment that made you grow a foot taller and put on a good hundred pounds in two minutes brings on a whole new set of problems, which Stiles is probably now intimately aware of.

Fortunately, while Bucky's not really cutting directly to the chase, he does find himself sort of just... coming out with what this flood actually probably meant for Stiles.]


I'm sorry you had to see all that.

[And he doesn't mean the torture - he's not even sure if that's something that he would have seen. He already knows there're apparently other Bucky Barneses out there, including one who had apparently gotten killed when he was sixteen. Maybe he never got nabbed by HYDRA in the first place, maybe he never was tortured. Maybe he avoided all that.

But he knows Stiles remembers fighting, and that means remembering what it's like to see friends die in awful, awful ways and to know you've killed people, too in a personal way some regular soldiers don't. Bucky's seen enough teenagers scarred for life by the stuff they've seen out there, and even if this isn't something he chose to do, he still feels kind of responsible for Stiles needing to live with memories of that, now.]
imfollowinghim: (Gold medalist in brooding.)

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[personal profile] imfollowinghim 2014-06-16 01:58 am (UTC)(link)
I know. [He feels like he's had to have versions of this conversation a lot, with him feeling at least partly to blame for something and people trying to convince him he wasn't to blame for it, even if he knew he was still going to feel shitty about it no matter what they said.]

It's still not something you should have to live with. [It's not stuff anyone should have to live with, really, but he did so he's dealing with it. And maybe his methods of dealing with it aren't the best, but it's working for him.] Kinda seems like you've got enough on your plate as it is. [And hey, actually:] And you'd better not be knocking yourself around about it.

[You know. About whatever you saw.] It's not your fault, either.

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maced_eggs: (keep point for me)

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[personal profile] maced_eggs 2014-06-16 01:00 am (UTC)(link)
[Crouched in one of the hallways and blatantly, painfully suspicious, is Mason, kneeling next to an unknown cabin door and fiddling with it with his lockpicks, attempting to get it open.

Yeah, he might have voices in his head from the last flood, but fuck it: He is going to open this door and steal the things inside it until his brain feels better]
maced_eggs: (are you kidding me right now)

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[personal profile] maced_eggs 2014-06-16 01:12 am (UTC)(link)
[unwilling to be distracted from his task, Mason waves off Stiles with one hand, not looking at him]

Piss off, yeah? Mind your own fuckin' business.
maced_eggs: (leaning over to check)

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[personal profile] maced_eggs 2014-06-16 01:24 am (UTC)(link)
Thassright.

[Mason has yet to understand he's been found out, and gives a satisfied noise in the back of his throat as the door audibly clicks. Gently, he pushes it open]

We've got a winner.

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semifreakingnormal: (you were there)

[Private Video]

[personal profile] semifreakingnormal 2014-06-17 03:09 am (UTC)(link)
Dude, tell me about it.

[Scott is always torn, today. He always tells himself he doesn't care, and sometimes, he doesn't. Sometimes the day passes and he doesn't even notice it. He thought that here, of all places, where he can be Captain America for three days, it would pass him by.

He's trying not to be homesick. He's trying not to remember the fights his parents would get into over his inhalers. He's trying not to remember the night his dad left and the few e-mails and birthday cards he's gotten since. His dad is definitely the douchiest douche to ever walk the earth, Scott wouldn't disagree there - but he's still Scott's dad..

It's better to focus on the issue, to just keep moving, because if he stops everything else will catch up with him.]


I have no idea what to say to Steve. Do you think all that really happened to them?

[His stomach pinches as he realizes, after Stiles as per usual, that there's another side to this.] Do you think they remembered the stuff we did?
semifreakingnormal: (you pull the pin and say:)

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[personal profile] semifreakingnormal 2014-06-18 03:11 am (UTC)(link)
Jeez. [He rubs both hands over his face and drops back onto his bed, pulling the communicator with him to hold in front of his face.]

This sucks. Maybe we should just - sit down and talk with them or something. Or - I dunno, maybe that's even worse. I don't think I wan to to know the details of what was real and what wasn't. And - I don't think I want them to know everything, either.

[The nogitsune, Allison, there's so much that would just - if nothing else, it would be uncomfortable. And that's best case scenario.

He's still not sure how to talk about it, or what is safe to talk about. So he reaches for something else, and even if his dad is the douchiest father ever, the Sheriff definitely isn't.]


Hey, I've got an idea. Wanna meet me in the art room?
semifreakingnormal: (in any other world)

[Private Video]

[personal profile] semifreakingnormal 2014-06-26 02:38 am (UTC)(link)
Cool. [If Stiles talks to Bucky, then maybe Stiles can fill him in. Maybe he should talk to Steve, but - not right now. Not yet. He just needs time to think about all this, and he's not exactly having an easy time with it. The tone shift is at least welcome, and Scott chortles just a little as he heads away from his room.]

No. I mean, sorta, but you are too. I'll show you when we get there.

[He kills the feed, slowing his pace so that he might run into Stiles on the way.]

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lydiascreams: (Blank neutral)

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[personal profile] lydiascreams 2014-06-18 03:32 am (UTC)(link)
[Lydia was actually at the library and ended up losing track of time. She is tired, but she's a little afraid of sleeping. Being Princess Lydia hadn't been too bad, not nearly as bad as her mirror self, but that version of her was seriously shaken and she felt so out of control, it left Lydia wanting control more and more. So she'd come over to try and do some research on meditation and yoga and whatever might help her relax enough to center herself. Because it just became more and more obvious that the secret to control her powers is within.

Cliche for a reason, apparently.

But as she's finally making her way out and down to her room, she doesn't expect to see a familiar face looking more than a little haunted coming her way. She hasn't spoken to him since she wasn't herself, and she's not even sure what happened to him this time around. She just knows he wasn't himself, either.]


Stiles? Hey.
lydiascreams: (Neutral wide eyed stare)

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[personal profile] lydiascreams 2014-06-18 08:35 pm (UTC)(link)
I was reading. Lost track of time.

[And partially, she just wanted the distraction as well.

But one closer look at Stiles worries her, he looks terrible. And while he doesn't look as bad as he did when she last saw him back home, it's still not good to see him like this at all.

She takes a step forward and watches him closely.]


Are you okay?
lydiascreams: (Questioning stare talking)

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[personal profile] lydiascreams 2014-06-18 09:23 pm (UTC)(link)
[Of course she sees right through that pathetic attempt at pretending he's okay. She knows him a lot better than that and honestly, she'd probably have seen through it even if it had been a good attempt.

So she gives him a look and keeps her eyes on his face. If she looked worried before, it's gotten worse now.]


Wanna try that again with the truth this time?

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