voluntaryapnea | 06. No One Ever Tells You That Forever Feels Like Home -- Sitting All Alone Inside Your Head.

[Okay then. So that happened. He's gained memories that definitely aren't his, and he knows about things that he definitely shouldn't know about -- in detail; things he doesn't really want to know about. What makes it worse is that he's pretty sure that most of them are Bucky's. That the things he remembers but didn't live through -- are things Bucky actually did live through and wow is that not okay. He hopes he's wrong. That maybe some of it was Bucky was obvious, but how much he's not too clear on.

He's also pretty sure that Bucky got his memories, or at least some of them, and that's upsetting, too. He hasn't talked to Scott about it even though Scott had thought he was Captain America and the actual Captain America had thought he was a werewolf and really. None of this should even surprise him at this point. But it definitely gives him a headache. And there really just isn't enough Adderall in all of space and time for him to try and figure this all out on his own, but he's pretty sure if he doesn't figure out some of it at least, he'll end up driving himself crazy. And. Been there done that, really. He's pretty sure the universe still owes him a damn t-shirt for it, actually and maybe he'll just drop that request in with the admiral. Because his one other contact with the admiral had gone so well.

But it's all left him open to yet another sleepless night so he wanders the barge as he's taken to doing lately when insomnia hits.

He wanders the halls, to the library, to the top deck, trying to stop thinking about the latest flood for the time being.]

[Private Video -- Bucky]

[He's actually not sure where to start here because it seems kind of tactless to talk about someone being tortured for days -- and he knows that part happened because he remembers it from seeing the movie and that just adds a whole new level of gravity and horror to the situation. Because seriously if he'd had any idea back then that Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes were real people in any universe, he never would have watched to begin with.]

Hey, man. How's it going?

[Because a nonchalant, semi-casual conversation starter seems to be the way to go with this.]

[Private Video -- Scott]

So I don't know about you, but I feel...really weird about this whole...swapping lives sort of thing that happened.

[And yeah, he's going to do his best to ignore that whole 'it's Father's Day' thing going around. Because he misses his dad a lot. It does dawn on him that Scott might be having a rough day with it, though because Scott's dad is pretty much, in Stiles' opinion anyway, one of the douchiest douches that ever walked the earth they came from.]

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Well, it could have been worse, right?

[At least they didn't hurt anyone, or almost hurt anyone. They were good guys, even if she doesn't know much about who Bucky is supposed to be aside from her brief interactions with him during floods and then the Stiles version of him.

Considering what happened in the flood previous to this, though, she figures it's better if Stiles never hears about what happened during this one. Especially not when he is supposed to be spending the night with her to help him with his nightmares.]

Hopefully we will get to stay ourselves next time. All of us.

[She smiles a little and nods at the stack of books he's holding.]

Do you need more?

Yeah, it definitely could have been worse.

[Even if right now he's hard pressed to think of something worse than having someone else's memories of being tortured.

But there is the fact that they didn't harm anyone. That's definitely a thing he's glad about. Extremely glad, in fact. ]

Yeah, hopefully. [He looks down at the books.] This is probably enough for now.

[Manipulating and hurting people you care about is definitely worse, but she won't bring that up, not to Stiles and definitely not considering everything he's been through in the recent past. He knows all about how bad it can get when you're not yourself for one reason or another.]

Let's get going, then. Do you need to stop by your room?

[Her own room is just down the hall but if he needed to, she'd go with him.]

No, I'm good.

[He's wearing a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants already so he doesn't really need to change into something else to sleep. He shifts the books to one arm and offers her the crook of his opposite elbow.]

You need anything from here before we go?

Nope.

[A few days ago, she picked up pretty much all the books she was able to find on Irish Folklore and Celtic culture. The mind-reading with Jean helped but there was still a lot she didn't understand about herself. She smiles softly and links her arm with his.]

I still have some in my room.

Okay, cool.

[He smiles a little when she links her arm through his, too, and he leads her toward the door. Hopefully they can both get some decent rest tonight.]

06. No One Ever Tells You That Forever Feels Like Home -- Sitting All Alone Inside Your Head.

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