voluntaryapnea | 06. No One Ever Tells You That Forever Feels Like Home -- Sitting All Alone Inside Your Head.

[Okay then. So that happened. He's gained memories that definitely aren't his, and he knows about things that he definitely shouldn't know about -- in detail; things he doesn't really want to know about. What makes it worse is that he's pretty sure that most of them are Bucky's. That the things he remembers but didn't live through -- are things Bucky actually did live through and wow is that not okay. He hopes he's wrong. That maybe some of it was Bucky was obvious, but how much he's not too clear on.

He's also pretty sure that Bucky got his memories, or at least some of them, and that's upsetting, too. He hasn't talked to Scott about it even though Scott had thought he was Captain America and the actual Captain America had thought he was a werewolf and really. None of this should even surprise him at this point. But it definitely gives him a headache. And there really just isn't enough Adderall in all of space and time for him to try and figure this all out on his own, but he's pretty sure if he doesn't figure out some of it at least, he'll end up driving himself crazy. And. Been there done that, really. He's pretty sure the universe still owes him a damn t-shirt for it, actually and maybe he'll just drop that request in with the admiral. Because his one other contact with the admiral had gone so well.

But it's all left him open to yet another sleepless night so he wanders the barge as he's taken to doing lately when insomnia hits.

He wanders the halls, to the library, to the top deck, trying to stop thinking about the latest flood for the time being.]

[Private Video -- Bucky]

[He's actually not sure where to start here because it seems kind of tactless to talk about someone being tortured for days -- and he knows that part happened because he remembers it from seeing the movie and that just adds a whole new level of gravity and horror to the situation. Because seriously if he'd had any idea back then that Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes were real people in any universe, he never would have watched to begin with.]

Hey, man. How's it going?

[Because a nonchalant, semi-casual conversation starter seems to be the way to go with this.]

[Private Video -- Scott]

So I don't know about you, but I feel...really weird about this whole...swapping lives sort of thing that happened.

[And yeah, he's going to do his best to ignore that whole 'it's Father's Day' thing going around. Because he misses his dad a lot. It does dawn on him that Scott might be having a rough day with it, though because Scott's dad is pretty much, in Stiles' opinion anyway, one of the douchiest douches that ever walked the earth they came from.]

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[Sucks is definitely one way to put it. And he nods slightly at the suggestion of talking to them. As much as he likes to joke he'd rather avoid things whenever possible? He's not great at actually doing it most of the time.]

I'm gonna at least talk to Bucky. [Because where Scott doesn't necessarily want to know, Stiles needs to know. Especially because he likes Bucky, respects him, and he needs to know how bad the memories Bucky's gotten from him are. He hopes like hell there's nothing about being possessed, because no one should have to suffer those memories aside from him and the thought that that might be the case is so very unnerving.] I just kinda...need to. [He diverts his gaze momentarily and then blinks at the question.]

Uh, sure? Are you taking up a new hobby or something? [His voice is lighter now, joking.]

Cool. [If Stiles talks to Bucky, then maybe Stiles can fill him in. Maybe he should talk to Steve, but - not right now. Not yet. He just needs time to think about all this, and he's not exactly having an easy time with it. The tone shift is at least welcome, and Scott chortles just a little as he heads away from his room.]

No. I mean, sorta, but you are too. I'll show you when we get there.

[He kills the feed, slowing his pace so that he might run into Stiles on the way.]

[It is a lot to process. To try and come to terms with. It always is. But Stiles smirks at Scott's chortling because hey, at least for the moment, he's done his job by lifting the mood a bit.]

Okay, but if I draw you a picture, it's hanging up on your cabin door, buddy.

[He kills the feed on his end, too and heads out of the room and up the stairs.]

Duh. [He's laughing as he hangs up, and when he spots Stiles, he trots back to walk with him.]

It'd go right on the fridge. You know. If I had a fridge in my room.

[And they fall into sync side by side, as per usual, as they walk.]

You should ask the Admiral for a fridge. For the pictures people draw you. [He grins. He's no artist. Not by a long shot. Lydia on the other hand...]

We could get a whole gallery of pictures going for a fridge. We need to make this happen.

You just wanna come over to raid it.

[Not that he'd actually mind, of course.] Okay, but they have to be, like. At least third-grade level drawings.

[Scott opens the art room door and starts poking around inside. He doesn't exactly come here a lot, but he sort of knows what he's looking for. Probably.]

Dude. Of course. That's the main purpose of a fridge.

[He nudges him with an elbow, grinning.] I know that's not you mocking my very realistic looking stick figure drawings.

[Stiles follows Scott inside the art room. He's never actually been in the art room before and he glances around, wondering what they're doing there.]

That is definitely me mocking your stick figures.

How are stick figures even realistic?

[He grins, and devotes himself to the task, finally coming up with a handful of things: construction paper, markers, glue, and glitter. For a second, he holds them up triumphantly, then gets a little sheepish.]

It's father's day. [He doesn't say it like Stiles needs reminding. He just uses it as an explanation.]

We can just throw them over the rail, if you want. Maybe they'll get to where they're supposed to go.

[He fully intends to make one for the Sheriff. And...maybe his dad. He's not sure yet.]

They just are. [Except not. He's just enjoying the sense of normality they're currently experiencing. Like. A lot. He watches curiously as Scott digs out supplies, cocking his head to the side and leaning against one of the art cabinets.

At Scott's first words, it dawns on him and his chest tightens a little because this is one of those things that he never would have even thought about doing. Scott's always been the thoughtful one and he smiles a little.]

Yeah. It's a cool idea, Scott. [He helps him move some of the stuff over to one of the tables.]

[If he ever said that out loud, Scott would just claim he liked playing with glitter. In lieu of being a mind reader, though, he just smiles as Stiles digs in to help.

This is what they need: a good, dumb distraction. Scott smiles, and grabs himself a piece of construction paper to fold.]

06. No One Ever Tells You That Forever Feels Like Home -- Sitting All Alone Inside Your Head.

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