voluntaryapnea | 15. Who knows what's right?/The lines keep getting thinner

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15. Who knows what's right?/The lines keep getting thinner

[He finds himself on the fourth floor, just outside of what's left of cabin 407, the room next to Dean's. He already has a pretty good idea of what exactly happened. Already knows that the vampire had been sealed inside the room courtesy of mountain ash. He sees it on the floor just outside the door and he kneels down, running his fingers through it and pursing his lips.

He's an awesome warden, really. Helping incite his inmate to attempted murder. Not that Jerry doesn't deserve it. It isn't about Jerry. He has no guilt or sympathy for the guy. It's that Dean is the one who dealt the strike. And Stiles had handed over the information he'd needed to do it with. He doesn't see a difference really, between someone handing a loaded gun to a psychopath out to commit homicide and his own role in the events that had taken place the night before. He lets out a breath and then steps inside the room, looking up at the scorched ceiling. Scorpius had been injured, too. Others could have been. People could have died.

Stiles rubs the back of his neck and grimaces. Innocent people getting caught up in this isn't something he'd wanted to happen, but it has and now he has to figure out how to deal with the fallout. The question is...how?]

[Private Video -- Dean Winchester.]

[It takes him a few hours to decide what to do about the whole situation with Dean. He can't just allow him to go around setting people on fire -- even if they deserve it and he maintains that Jerry did. But he also isn't going to be terribly harsh about punishment in this case. Maybe it's wrong, but considering he played a role in Dean's actions, he can't be too hard on the guy.

And he won't put Dean in Zero or confine him to his room. That's not even a punishment for the guy. Dean wants to be alone. Which is exactly why he can't be. Not just because it's supposed to be a punishment, but because it's unhealthy. Solitude is great, but everyone needs someone, and Dean is no exception, even if he believes otherwise.]

So. We should probably talk about what happened last night.

[Video -- Public]

[The video feed clicks on and it shows Stiles in the pub. There's a blender beside him that's full of ice, and several bottles of various syrups around. He's holding a container of sugar and eying the blender before he begins pouring it atop the ice.]

So, someone wondered about Slurpees on the Barge. I think this is everything it takes to make one. [Maybe. Possibly. Mostly he's just experimenting right now.] So if anyone would like to be a taste tester, come up to the Pub. [You know. If you're feeling brave. Or if you want to bounce off the walls. He's still pouring in the sugar and now half the container is in the blender.]

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If I wanted him dead, he'd be dead.

[Dean states this with a cold kind of certainty, having nothing to do with any kind of technicality, nothing to do with who or what would have been around to stop him. Dean had the advantage. He let it go.

Now, he shrugs.] If he'd shown up on board and not gone around hurting people, there wouldn't have been a problem.

[Some days Dean is a monster. Some days he's a wreck. Some days he's just tired. Today he feels like none of these.]

Wholesome message. What am I supposed to be learning here again?

[He doesn't doubt that. He has read Dean's file, after all. What he doesn't know is why Jerry isn't dead.]

Okay, so...why didn't you kill him? [His voice isn't annoyed, just curious.]

Exactly. [Dean sums it up exactly the way Stiles sees it too: Jerry's brought his troubles on himself. If he'd kept his fangs to himself, then none of this would have happened.]

I'm not sure there's anything specific to learn here, actually. I think we're pretty much in agreement.

Edited (overuse of the word actually omg) 2014-09-19 16:14 (UTC)

[This time, finally, Dean smiles. It's not a big smile, not a kind or a good smile, and it would not have sat well on the face of the Dean he first knew: it's small, cold, and etched into the lines of this one's face.]

Death wouldn't have taught him anything. Not here. But this taught us something.

[That's a good enough reason as any, even if it isn't Dean's entire reason. Later, maybe he'll think of this and shiver a little, feel a little guilty, a little more tired; now, he wanted to make someone, something hurt and he did. Now, he feels good for at least a little while.

He shakes his head.] So what now? [A challenge more than an honest question.]

[It's an eerie smile is what it is. It's a smile he's seen on his own face before, when the Nogitsune had separated from him and was stalking toward him and Lydia in the school hallway. It's unsettling, but he doesn't let that emotion register on his face.

He's silent for a moment as he takes in the response. But this taught us something. It taught them that fire is indeed a way to cause great bodily harm to Jerry. And while Stiles is glad to have that bit of ammunition in case they ever need it again -- and they probably will -- he's also kind of disturbed. That doesn't register on his face either.

He lifts a shoulder in a shrug.]

Like I said, maintenance crew. [He does wonder something else, though.]

What punishment were you hoping for?

[Dean is watching him, smile fading again, but Stiles is good, and it isn't as though there's anything there Dean particularly wants to see - even now, he's not exactly pleased to find he disturbs people for any reason. It's just that it's easier to keep people back if they don't trust you, and in his case? They shouldn't. Now, Dean considers putting up a token resistance to the named "punishment" but the fact of the matter is that it isn't really a punishment at all.

There's a couple reasons he's okay with it, and not a little to do with who he'd be close to if he accepts, and where he's likely to end up. He nods.]

Fine. That all? [Then Stiles' question, and the hunter lifts his chin slightly.] "Hoping?" Makes me sound a little twisted, doesn't it?

What makes you think I was considering punishment at all?

[He watches Dean right back, watches as his smile fades a bit. He doesn't trust this version of Dean the way he did the other. There are certain things he'd trust him with if it comes down to it. He fully believes that if he'd turned into a vampire, if he'd become another monster, that Dean could've been trusted to put him down before he could hurt anyone. He also believes that if it comes down to it, Dean will protect an innocent person from Jerry or anyone else threatening their life if he can.

He relaxes a fraction when Dean easily agrees to be on the maintenance crew.] Yeah, that's it. [He arches an eyebrow at the question about sounding twisted, though.]

I don't think you were thinking punishment at all when you lit Jerry up like the Fourth of July. I just meant you don't seem surprised by the maintenance crew thing and...I don't know. Maybe hoping for was the wrong way to phrase it. [He pauses.] But you weren't surprised.

[Dean likes to think he would. Some days he's sure he would. Others, he's not sure it's protecting anyone to keep them alive at all, although he's not sure where they're supposed to go that's safer, better. That's the true punishment of leading his life: he knows there's nowhere better at all.]

I'm not surprised. [The hunter shrugs. Truth is, he had considered punishment beforehand, or else he wouldn't have made a point to drop off Anya's file before he got the ball rolling. He hadn't, however, considered bowing before it in any way, shape, or form nor does he now. This is useful to him, so he won't put up a fight about it.

Besides, it's something to fill the time, and on that front at least it will shut some people up.]

When I nailed Scorpius to the wall, I had to clean that up, too. This is just more of the same. I didn't really think you'd pansy up on me and come shaking your finger, and I don't really think you're sorry I went after him.

I don't think anyone really is. Trick is getting 'em to admit to it.

[And this is something that Stiles excels in: having faith in people in his life even when they don't have any in themselves. It's strange, considering how little trust he has for most, but faith and trust aren't really the same thing, either. It crosses over on occasion: he trusts both Scott and Lydia absolutely, and has faith in their ability to do things that neither of them believes they're capable of. When Scott became a true alpha, Stiles wasn't surprised. He doesn't entirely trust most of his new friends on the Barge -- mostly because he hasn't known them long enough to develop the same levels of trust he has with his friends from home. But faith? He has faith that his warden friends -- especially Bucky and Steve and Gwen and Peter -- will be able to graduate inmates and get their deals. He has faith that his inmate friends, like Needy will graduate.

And he has that same amount of faith that at the core, Dean will protect innocent people however he can. Or that he'll try, at least.

He nods at Dean's words.] I'm not sorry you went after him. I'm not going to lie and pretend otherwise. [But then he pauses as he realizes what else Dean's just said, and he's confused.] Wait -- you nailed Scorpius to a wall? When did that happen? [Because this is news to him.]

[The corner of Dean's mouth twitches again, not quite a smile, but close; he's satisfied by the surprise, as much as by the memory of having done it at all. Another time it might not come so close to amusing him, but considering the subject they're currently on? Dean is glad for the confirmation that neither Stephanie nor Scorpius (nor Anya) bothered telling anyone.]

First week I got here. He wanted to dig through my brain, I figured it was a good time to make sure he knew that wasn't going to be as easy as he thought.

[He doesn't quite trail off, but his mood does dampen some; he's much too good at bluffing to let it show entirely, but the fact of the matter was that in the end, Scorpius had gotten what he wanted anyway. Dean still hasn't decided what he's going to do about that, if anything. Certainly apologizing for almost roasting him isn't in the cards, but that really had been an accident.

Karma, maybe. The hunter snorts.]

[There's something else there, fleeting. Impossible to read with any accuracy. But Stiles always goes with his gut feelings even if other people think he's full of crap most of the time. And there's something else he doesn't know.]

Yeah, I remember. Most everyone was pretty pissed at him for even suggesting it.

[He was one of them.] I don't know if uh -- if you really talked to him before he left, because he left shortly after you got here, but John Crichton had a history with Scorpius. Not the good kind.

Most everyone was protecting their precious runaway hero.

[Bitterness shoots sharp through the words, clipped and dark. Dean's made no secret of hating his previous version, nor of accepting any of the empathy that others have extended to him on blatant behalf of the relationships they had with him. It was stupid of them not to take the opportunity, but he's not going to point that out while it's still him under the gun. He's no one's guinea pig, not while he has a say, no matter how tactically sound it is.

He's distracted by mention of Crichton, though.]

Yeah, we talked. I know about the history. I... we talked.

[He pauses at the bitterness. He knows that Dean hates the other version of himself -- it's been clear from day one, really. It's something that maybe they'll have to address at some point in the future, but not now. Now, though, he does need to start working on getting Dean to not hate and be bitter with everyone else on the Barge.]

And a lot of people just take issue with anyone messing with someone's mind.

[His words are mild but honest. And while yes, he and most everyone who'd spoke up that day had been friends with the other Dean, he knows his own reaction would have been the same to most anyone possibly getting their brain picked apart.

And when Dean confirms that he talked to Crichton, it clicks.

Crichton had told him that Scorpius had gotten someone in that stupid chair, but hadn't told him who.

Dean, he realizes. Somehow he'd managed to get Dean after everything.]

[As far as Dean's concerned, that relationship is pretty cut and dry. He'd beat the living shit out of himself, if he were here; might even kill himself just for existing, for sitting pretty while his own brother is trapped as Lucifer's meatsuit, through no amount of skill or determination or ingenuity, but through sheer fucking luck.

Dean misses the click. He's too focused on exactly what Stiles was trying to ease him away from, his warden's defense of the entire situation only serving to crystallize Dean's opposition of it. His voice, incidentally hard up to now, goes decisively hostile.]

Then it's even dumber for them to be here at all, isn't it?

[The hostility in Dean's voice jars him back to the present and he draws in a breath, slow and steady, looking at the older man with an even gaze.]

I think it's about intent. The Barge isn't intended to be some kind of mind game. The Aurora Chair, on the other hand...[His jaw tightens just a little.] It serves a pretty specific purpose from what Crichton told me.

It's not? What exactly the fuck do you think it's intended to be, then? A vending machine?

[This, Dean uses as grounds to plow right past the mention of the Aurora Chair; he doesn't flinch, staring back at Stiles, unwilling even now to give away what he's aware that he already has.

He'd tear it apart if he could; he'd tear Scorpius apart if he could. It won't work here, though, and that more than anything holds him back from trying.]

By all means, tell me what the fucking difference is.

[He doesn't respond to the anger in Dean's voice. He just gazes at him.] You've indicated yourself this place isn't that bad.

[It can be, but it hasn't been while Dean's been here. Not yet. They haven't dealt with the Mirror Barge since then.]

The Barge itself isn't about mind games. It's about opportunities. A way to fix things. A way to make things right. It's about second or third or fourth or twenty-fifth chances.

Compared to hell. Compared to a world overrun by demon-created rage zombies and their masters, and abandoned by anything approaching a protective give-a-damn.

Sure, it's not so bad compared to that, but the rest of it? Why do you think no one stays here?

[The calm from before, the fulfillment, is gone now. He doesn't want to hear about opportunities, about fixing things, about making things right. It's a line that's been used on him two, three, four, twenty five times and counting, and it never, ever pans out.

He is sick of it.]

Save it for someone who believes you. From where I'm sitting, there's not much difference at all.

[He shakes his head.] But people do stay here. Some people stay here for a long time. Some people aren't ever going back to their own worlds.

[He sighs and looks away for a moment. Scott is so much better at this whole optimism gig than he is. Maybe he should ask for lessons.]

I'm not...trying to say it's great or anything. I know it isn't great. But it could be a lot worse.

[Dean has lost his ability to respond to optimism; lost his trust for what used to be something he depended on like oxygen. Scott hasn't made any headway with him, either, and in point of fact is worse off. This Dean's blind faith was never repaid, and it left him more vulnerable to the worst parts of himself than ever.]

"It could be a lot worse" is enough to get by on now that I'm here, but it's not enough to justify being here at all.

This place isn't home. People stay here for a long time but not when they have a choice, not for good. Stop trying to pretend like it is.

I never called it home.

[But it might as well be. He's not going back to Beacon Hills for any sort of permanent stay. He thinks then of Anya. Of Ben. The fact is that this place is better for quite a few on the Barge and given the choice, he's pretty sure they won't be leaving short of the Admiral kicking them off the ship. But now isn't the time to try and prove his point. Not when Dean is angry and stuck in his own mindset. It's a fight for another day.

He leans back in his chair.]

But I get your point.

[It's true enough that he's not going to come off this point, not here, not now; he's even one of the ones for whom this place is better. He's admitted that as freely as his hatred of himself, and he still wouldn't choose to be here if he had that choice. Maybe he made it here, but the others in his camp didn't, the people he sent to their deaths didn't.

Sam didn't.

But Stiles backs down and while Dean doesn't instantly calm, he holds his ground instead of continuing to be aggressive.]

I know you're trying to fix shit. I still don't think this is the way to do it, and I think you're wasting your time. You know that too.

[He can't help but wonder why more people from Dean's world haven't landed on the Barge. Even Sam. Especially Sam. He wonders why so many people from Beacon Hills and Gotham are aboard, but so few others are from the same worlds. He'd ask the Admiral if he thought he'd get an answer. He doesn't.

He just nods at Dean's statement.]

I know. [He draws in a breath and lets it out slowly.]

I guess this will also give a chance to see how long it takes Jerry to recover. Give us an idea of how well any supernatural healing powers work.

[Dean has an answer, on his own count anyway. It's not one that anyone else wants to hear or indeed even has when he's said it, not one they want to believe, but he's pretty sure he knows. He doesn't say it now less because his conviction has lessened, but more because he's out of energy to fight about it.

Nothing changes the fact that he's always known he's going back to Hell, and he's always deserved it.

Bringing up Jerry again seems to be effective at derailing him, at least, and he nods in return.]

I'd be surprised, too, if that didn't go a long way towards focusing him on me. [Which is an acceptable side effect, from the sound of Dean's voice there.]

[He's probably not wrong there -- that this act will draw Jerry's attention onto Dean. At least to a degree. It's the initial reason he'd gone to see Jerry in Zero. To draw his attention to Stiles instead of Lydia and Allison. He is expendable; they are not. It's pretty much the reason he's on the Barge to begin with.

But he knows Jerry's also still harassing Lydia and Allison, so ultimately he's not sure the method was particularly effective. And now Stiles has to worry about Jerry going after Dean, too.]

It's probably too much to hope he'll decide that it's easier to just leave everyone alone and rely on blood bags.

[For Dean, it's the difference between civilians and hunters; yes, Allison technically counts as a hunter, but she's a teenager. A kid. This? If Dean doesn't have this, he's nothing.

So he does his best to have this.]

Still an optimist, I see.

When do I report for the chain gang?

15. Who knows what's right?/The lines keep getting thinner

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