voluntaryapnea | 24. We're falling apart and we're coming together again and again.

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24. We're falling apart and we're coming together again and again.

[Open Action Spam]

[After leaving Scott's room, Stiles makes his way toward the stairs. He's relieved as hell that Scott is awake again, that he seems to be fine. Just as nearly everyone had told him. But now he has other people he needs to check on. Lydia, Dean, Kira, Liam, Allison, Isaac, Bucky, Steve, Jean. His people. They're growing in numbers, expanding a little bit at a time. For a guy who'd once thought himself virtually incapable of caring about anyone besides his dad, Scott, and Lydia, he's come a long way.

He heads for Dean's room first, mostly because they'd been in the midst of a battle with a horrifyingly large kaiju before getting pulled back to the Barge, and he wants to make sure his inmate is okay. He still feels a little disoriented by all of it. More so than most of these kinds of events tend to leave him.

He can be found heading toward any of their rooms, also at the cafeteria to grab something to eat, and then heading back to his own room on the seventh floor.]

[Private to Scott]

[He's slept a bit since he saw Scott earlier, but he still looks a little tired. He also looks a little nervous.]

I have a question.

[Spam for Lydia]

[Everything is already set up in the enclosure, ready to go. Now he just has to get her to go with him. He's chewing his thumbnail as he heads toward her room, and knocks lightly on the door. It's late but not super late. Not late enough that he's worried she'll be asleep. He stands and waits, heart beating quickly in his chest.]

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[That had been some breach, to say the least. Then again, maybe it was par for the course - but there were a number of things about it that hit far too close to home for Steve's comfort, and once they'd gotten back (or... well, had they ever really left? Who knew), Steve had started to wonder if the Admiral was mocking him. Or if it the Admiral even knew he was mocking him.

Because there was just no way that Bucky showing up, after "all that time" and missing his left arm, could have been anything but a sick mockery, and it left Steve feeling a little sick, too. And that was before he even got to thinking about how strange it had been, to be inside someone else's head, more or less, and to let them inside yours.

That, at least, made him glad it had been a breach, and not a flood.

He's been puttering around the Barge a bit; spending some time with Bucky, a little with T'Pol (if she'll let him), and otherwise just trying to work through the strange events that had happened by keeping himself busy, at the gym or in the art room. He's on his way back to his cabin from the latter when he spots Stiles, which isn't completely unusual, given they're just a few cabins apart. He smiles - it's a little more preoccupied than usual, but genuine.]

Hey, how's it going?

[He's certain that if the Admiral was mocking someone, it wasn't just Steve that was feeling it. He has a feeling that roughly half of the people on the Barge feel the same way. He's almost certain that includes Dean.

But to be honest, Stiles still can't really tell the difference between a breach and a flood. They all feel sort of the same to him. It all just feels like a way to mess with people's minds, and if he didn't know from others for sure that the Admiral follows through on the deals he makes, Stiles wouldn't have lasted here as long as he has.

He's relived to see that Steve is there and looks okay physically, at least. That's most of his people now accounted for. He smiles back, but it's mostly tired.]

Okay. You? [He suddenly feels the urge to apologize for trying to steal Captain America's freaking shield, bet or no bet. But he doesn't.]

[That's probably true. If the Admiral has any control at all, Steve would be that he's likely trying to find situations that mock as many people simultaneously as possible.

Either way, breaches and floods do feel pretty similar, and they might as well be the same, in terms of invasiveness - especially these last few.]

Okay, [he confirms with a smile.] Although I haven't talked to T'Pol yet, so that might change.

[Okay, not that he's exactly worried for his safety or anything, but. She isn't going to be happy, he knows that already.

Also - don't worry about the shield Steve's the one who bet it.] You make it through that, uh, attack okay? [Maybe it doesn't matter - but it does, actually, because dying there, dying here - it's never okay.]

[Or maybe it's not the Admiral at all. Maybe it's just Fate mocking them. Considering how things tend to go back home, that's probably just as likely, really. Plus if the Admiral really was that much in control of things, he'd probably just be redeeming all the inmates himself without needing assistance.]

It was a rough breach. [There's no need to beat around that particular bush. He can't imagine just how rough it had been for Steve. He's already seen what it's done for Dean. And T'Pol he doesn't really know yet.]

We were still alive. [He grimaces a little.] We were mid-battle when we were pulled back. It wasn't pleasant. [He also doesn't want to complain because it could have been worse. They could both be death tolling, but they aren't.]

[Whatever it is, it sure does seem to have a method to the madness, sometimes. Then other times, it's just madness. It makes trying to read too much into anything pretty discouraging, but maybe that's the point.]

Yeah, [he agrees. The funniest thing was, it had actually been harder once he'd been shoved back into his real life and realized just how close to home way too much of that breach had hit. He suspects it's just as bad for Bucky, in a lot of ways, but that's pretty much the reason he hasn't talked to Bucky about it yet.]

[He nods.] Thank God for small favors, I guess. [It could have definitely been worse. He's seen Tiffany and Merlin, and he doesn't envy them. He's glad there aren't more like them, too.] I'd rather be disoriented and alive than disoriented and death tolling, from what I know about it.

I guess it's back to business as unusual around here, otherwise, though. [He pauses - then, curious,] Speaking of, have you met that guy wandering around with your face yet?

[Steve hasn't, but that's why he's curious.]

[He hasn't forgotten the time he'd thought he was Bucky. He still remembers the things that happened to his friend, the things he lived through. Or rather...didn't, exactly. His chest feels tight suddenly. He hadn't seen Bucky there at all. At the time he hadn't questioned it. But Steve had been paired with T'Pol, and he remembered both of them, but Bucky was nowhere in that breach that Stiles can recall. It's troubling.]

Yeah. Yeah, me too. I haven't done that whole death toll thing and...I'd rather not. [He makes a face, then shakes his head at the question about his new facetwin.]

No, not officially. I've heard a little about him.

[Truthfully, Stiles has been avoiding meeting the other kid. It creeps him out to see someone else around wearing his face. Especially now, after everything that happened with the nogitsune.]

Have you?

[Steve... maybe tries not to think about that, overly much - or about the way Scott's probably lived through a lot of Steve's worst times. Although it did, admittedly, come in handy when he wanted to do up a couple of pictures of Beacon Hills for Christmas.

But all the same, that breach was rough, and in some weird way, knowing Stiles might understand better than most might even be a relief.] No, me either. There's something about cheating death like that, that reeks too much of - well, cheating.

[Which is probably rich, coming from Steve Rogers, but there you have it.

Besides, he can't actually say he's all that unhappy it's possible, here, because now he knows that Bucky's died at least once here, and if that had been permanent...

Moving on sounds like a good idea, about now - although he has to shake his head.] No, I haven't. I've seen him around, but I haven't had a chance to really talk to him. I feel like I should change that, though. He seems like an okay guy. [He smiles, a little.] Although I'm guessing it's weirder for you than for any of us, in the end.

[He smiles grimly at that. It might be rich coming from any of them, really. Steve, Bucky. Any of them from Beacon Hills. Literally anyone on the Barge. Not that he knows that for sure, but he suspects, given the state that everyone was in the week of nightmares, that nearly everyone here has dealt with near death experiences.]

Yeah.

[He shrugs a little at the comment about Thomas though. Time will tell if he's an okay guy or if he's a monster of some kind. If he has ulterior motives. Stiles doesn't inherently trust most people, and he trusts someone wearing his own face even less. He knows what he's capable of under the right circumstances. Or the wrong ones, maybe. Same difference in this case.]

Just be careful.

[The funny thing is, it always seems to be the people who manage to cheat death that are the most uncomfortable with it, Steve's found. It's the people who seek it at all costs that never seem to find what they want, in the end. Maybe that's just God, or fate, or something else entirely, being ironic.

His smile turns just a little wry, at the warning, and he shrugs, one-shouldered.] Me? I'm always careful.

[Whereby always he means pretty much never.]

How's Dean, after that breach?

[He snorts at Steve's comment that he's always careful. It's sort of like hearing Scott saying he's always careful. He just gives Steve a look that says he knows better, then shakes his head.]

He's...dealing. [Meaning of course, that Dean destroyed his cabin in a fit of rage. Or possibly it was more despair than rage. Maybe it was both.]

How about T'Pol?

[Yeah, that's pretty much the reaction Steve expects. His expression definitely says as much.

He nods at the sort of vague answer, but honestly, he figures that sounds about right.] That's what he does, huh? Deals. With everything. [It's not said accusingly, just thoughtfully. Dean's a little bit of a conundrum, but in a lot of ways, he's really not.] Have you ever met his brother? His real one, I mean. [He's curious.]

She's... dealing, too. [There's that wry smile again.] I think she'd rather we both just pretend it never happened at all. I probably owe her that much, if anything.

Yeah, pretty much. I guess it's...kind of what we all do though, isn't it?

[He exhales, then shakes his head. He hasn't met Sam, but he wishes he could. Maybe he could gain some more insight into the mind of Dean Winchester.]

No. Have you? [His eyebrows furrow, because it's possible that Steve talked to Sam on one of those weird days where they get to talk to people from back home, or from other universes.]

Think that's really possible? Pretending it never happened?

Point. [He smiles wryly.] I guess the Admiral's reminding us of that, but he really likes beating the lesson home.

[He shakes his head.] Nah. I've heard a little about him, but that's about it. [He can kind of understand, though, how Dean feels. Why Sam governs everything he does. He figures Stiles can too, given how close he and Scott are.]

Probably not in practice, but I figure if I never mention it again, it'll be good enough. [After all, T'Pol's smart enough to know that you don't just forget things. But you can move past them.] It was a pretty weird experience, you know?

[Letting someone else into every part of your heard is not something he'd normally sign up for.]

With a baseball bat, apparently.

[He nods slightly, though. He suspects a lot of people on the Barge know a bit about Sam, even if it's more because of the other Dean who'd been there than this Dean. He definitely feels a sense of kinship with Dean over the brotherly bond he shares with his long lost brother, because he and Scott are close. It doesn't surprise him that Steve can relate, too, because of Bucky.]

Fair enough. [And for now he figures that's probably the best route to go with Dean, too. Because he knows Dean isn't ready to deal with a lot of the things that happened.] Yeah. I can't say that having someone else in my head is something that...I ever anticipated not hating completely.

[At the time it hadn't been the least bit weird or upsetting. Dean had been his brother. His only surviving family. It had bothered him.

It doesn't really bother him now, except for the fact that it bothers Dean.]

A metal one. [Steve sighs a little, but it's something they've both accepted, as wardens. Or something, at least, that they try to accept.]

Sometimes that's all you can do. God knows it's how I've ended plenty of arguments. [He and Bucky are too stubborn to actually forget it. So they just stop, and stop talking about it.]

Maybe it was just a product of the, uh, world, you know? It was an acceptable risk we all were willing to take, to defend it. I mean, at least, it seemed acceptable to me at the time.

[Maybe it's one that they would take here, too - well. Some of them. Steve doesn't think he could. He's got too much at stake.]

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24. We're falling apart and we're coming together again and again.

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/o\ inbox stop losing my stiles tags

Inbox no >:[

seriously D:

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