voluntaryapnea | 18. You want a revelation/Some kind of resolution/Tell me what you want me to say

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18. You want a revelation/Some kind of resolution/Tell me what you want me to say

[Open Zero Spam]

[Stiles sits with his back to the wall in a cell in Zero, scowl etched onto his features. He can hear Jackson's heart beating from across the hall and he wishes he'd ripped it out of his chest so at least he'd have some peace and quiet while he's stuck down here. Being alone would be better than being stuck in the same vicinity as Jackson Whittemore.

He shuts his eyes and covers his ears with his hands, forcing himself to take slow, deep breaths. He doesn't know exactly how containment down here works, but he knows that short of someone letting him out, he's trapped for now.

It's fine. He'll deal. He always does. He's not thrilled about it, because there are things he could be doing if he wasn't locked in a freaking jail cell.

He opens his eyes again when he hears the distant echo of footsteps approaching -- but whether they're approaching his cell or Jackson's, or if someone else is being locked up -- that he's not sure about yet.

So he stares at the bars ahead, eyes dark and narrow. Waiting.]

[Public Voice Post]

[He's never done well with boredom. After several hours of sitting in relative silence, he picks up his comm. The boredom is as evident in his tone as the sarcastic taunting.]

I have to say that if this is the worst you people can do for punishment, I'm severely disappointed. No wonder our barge graduates more people than yours. You don't even have an ounce of creativity.

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[When Allison sees the message from Stiles, it only takes her a couple of minutes to realize what's going on. She's heard about Level Zero, and she knows what her job is as a warden...

This is not the way to reach him. This is not the way to punish Stiles...this will only make things worse.

She wastes no time, doesn't even stop by her own quarters for anything. Within about fifteen minutes of his public post, she's striding down into Zero, testing the air with a breath to make a beeline for his cell. Jackson is also there...it only worries her more.]

Stiles? [Her voice and features are fraught with concern as she reaches him.] What happened?

[He's not even surprised when she shows up. He half expected her to when he got on the communicator to taunt the wardens. What surprises him is that she shows up before Lydia does. Apparently the strawberry blonde isn't anymore eager to see Jackson than she is to see him and that gives him a tiny bit of satisfaction, at least.

He rolls his head to look at her when she stops in front of his cell.]

Jackson came at me. I stopped him. Apparently Spider-Man took issue with my method.

[He smirks and looks back up at the ceiling, not realizing it's the first time he's actually given her a straight forward answer about anything ever that wasn't done for belittling reasons.]

[Allison does notice, but she's too worried to comment...and keeping her silence is probably best anyway.

She stops at the door, wrapping her hands around the bars. She hates the way she feels down here...the wolf feels so far away with her power stripped, but she still feels the suffering of seeing a packmate caged.

She wants to go in and sit with him. She wants to make sure he's safe, unhurt. She wants to take care of him.]

Are you hurt? Can I do anything?...God, Stiles, you should have howled. I would have helped you! Promise me that next time you'll howl...please?

[His eyebrows furrow and he turns his head to look at her skeptically.]

I've never howled for help before. I didn't need help.

[He wouldn't howl for help even if it meant his own death.]

[Allison let out a peevish growl, narrowing her eyes at him. She was angry because he was being stubborn, angry at Jackson for attacking him, angry because she couldn't reach him to help.

For a moment, she bared human teeth at him, an instinctive display of dominance rather than aggression...as was evidence as she sank gracefully to the ground to sit, curling her legs under her.

Wolves didn't do well alone, and he was here in this cell for who knew how long.

She was staying, and as she settled down, she shot him a dark look daring him to try and make her leave.]

[He almost winces at the growl and wonders why. He sure as hell didn't wince when Jackson growled at him. The only other time he winces from another wolf's growling is when the other wolf is...

When the other wolf is an alpha.

He stiffens a little and sits up a little straighter, cocking his head to the side and staring hard at her. He watches her bare her teeth and then sit down on the ground, glowering at him as if challenging him.

Wolves don't do well alone, and even as a human Stiles didn't do well alone. He tended to fasten himself to the sides of certain people -- his dad. Scott. Lydia. And hold as tightly as possible. Things are different now, but maybe they're less different than he wants to admit.]

You met him, didn't you? In the arena. The other Scott.

[She senses it in him, an answer from his wolf. She doesn't reach for the power in it, though, but instead shifts closer to the door when she sits down, resting her head against the bars...wishing for all the world she could reach out and touch him, complete that connection.

His question brings her up short, but after a moment she nods, the tiniest smile touching her lips.]

I did...you did, too, didn't you? You...you saw. [What their own Scott could have been, could still be if he could be reached.]

[He doesn't move closer, even if part of him kind of wants to. Even if part of him feels compelled to. He doesn't.

He looks away at her answer, his fingernails digging into the floor beneath him and gives a brief nod.]

Yeah. I did.

[And he misses that Scott. So much like the Scott that he lost in his world. Full of hope. Of goodness.]

[It's brief, but Allison's nose twitches at the whiff of longing that drifts across the cell. It's touched with sorrow, and it's a sorrow Allison understands.

She scoots closer to the door, hands wrapped around the bars. Her forehead is digging into the bars by her face, but she doesn't relent, she can't. Everything in her is being pulled towards him like a magnet...the need to touch, to soothe, to comfort. Her eyes are wide with the tenuous hope that's clenching in her chest because Stiles knows. He knows, and he wants Scott back.]

Stiles, he's not gone. The Scott we know, we can have him back. Both of us, we just have to work together. To remind him that the man we met is still a part of him.

[She pauses, her features softening with the memory of kissing him, that split second when he hesitated, softened...]

I know he's in there. I've seen it...and whatever you may think of me, nothing would make me happier than to give him back to you.

[This time he moves, though it isn't much. He inches just a little closer to the cell door, heart beating a little bit faster at the certainty in her voice. He wants to know what makes her so damned sure.]

What have you seen? Why are you so certain?

[He peers at her with dark eyes, the briefest flicker of hope appearing there before it vanishes once more. He looks down.]

I don't hate you.

[His voice is nearly inaudible.]

[She doesn't just see him shift closer, she can feel it like a rope being pulled, drawing him nearer. It makes her heart race and, at the same time, a tension in her shoulders start to ease.

She only just hears his confession. The smile that comes threatens to split her face, breaks her heart in the best way possible...but she says nothing. It's enough that he's said it out loud...]

I kissed him. The first day, I met with him, and I kissed him...and just for a second, for one second...he let me.

[She sighs, frowning a little as she looks down herself.]

Then he tried to choke me out and scare me. Told me he didn't want me when I said I still loved him. But it wasn't true, I could smell it. That part of him, the one we love? It's still there, and he's terrified of it.

We just have to show him he doesn't have to be afraid.

[He stares at her at the admission, but also at how bright her smile is. He looks away, closing his eyes for a moment. He still remembers those first few weeks after Scott met Allison. Still remembers how happy Scott was. How much he loved her.

He lets out a breath, not surprised when she tells him Scott tried to choke her. That she could smell that he was lying. Of course he was lying, because if there's one universal when it comes to Scott, it has to be that Scott loves Allison -- one way or another.]

How? [His voice is quiet, and he feels like he should know the answer to this himself. He's known Scott longer than anyone. But he doubts everything these days.] How do we do that?

[Allison's smile grows fonder at the question, even as her chest tightens with a small swell of joy that makes her forget how uncomfortable this separation is for a moment, because they aren't separate in that moment.

She's reaching him. She's getting through to him, and it feels wonderful.]

We don't lie to him, and we don't give up on him. He can't escape from the truth, and if we stick with him, prove that we care, he won't want to. And trust me, it does work.

[Her smile grows, and with a deep breath, she reaches through the bars, extending a hand towards him, inviting him closer.]

After all...we've been talking a whole five minutes without arguing.

[He's always made it a practice not to lie to Scott, aside from one thing. And that one thing had been more of an omission of truth that Scott didn't need to know and Stiles'd kept it to himself to protect him. These days there's no reason to lie anyway. Scott always knows when someone is lying. He pushes his tongue against his teeth, eying Allison's hand and moving a little closer but not taking it.]

You didn't want this. To be a werewolf. [Once upon a time, Stiles hadn't wanted it either. It had scared the hell out of him, and for good reason. But when he'd arrived on the Barge and Scott had offered him the bite, he hadn't so much as hesitated.]

Why are you just...so willing to forgive?

No, I didn't. [She smiles as he inches closer, lowering her hand to rest on the ground, but still through the bars, still waiting for him to reach out and take it.

She takes the moment to really consider his question, and her smile grows wistful.] It's funny, but for a long time I was angry at Scott for betraying my trust...for forcing me, for taking away my humanity. I struggled for a long time after The Bite, for control. I had to be locked up tight during every full moon, and when I got angry...which was a lot...

[She trails off, looking down at her hand on the ground. She tries to will her claws to extend, but nothing happens. It irritates her, and she frowns...but she's not angry.]

My anchor was hard to find because it was the thing I fear most...violence. To control the wolf, I had to give into it completely...the violence, the bloodlust, the lack of reason and morality, or so I believed. I gave in...I let the wolf take me.

[She looks up at him, her smile sweet and bright.]

And here I am. I was so afraid that my violent nature made me a bad person, but it doesn't. It's what I do with it that makes me who I am...my emissary says the day I found my anchor was the day I started changing. Becoming a True Alpha...and I laid to rest a lot of personal demons, too. I was raised to be a soldier, a leader, and I was always worried I'd be like my mother and my grandfather...and if not for the Bite? I'd still be afraid...and I might have been like them anyway.

So...forgiving Scott for forcing me? Betraying my trust? That will take time, but turning me? [She shakes her head confidently.] No. I forgave him for taking my humanity a long time ago...hell, I'm more wolf than human now, and I'm okay with it. I miss being human...but it's nice not to doubt myself anymore. Not to be afraid of my own shadow self. I get the feeling that she...the other me...is very afraid of that.

[He still doesn't, though he looks kind of torn about it. For now, his stubbornness wins out. He listens as she talks about having to be locked up after the bite. He probably should have been, though the full moon hasn't really been an issue considering there's no full moon when he's on the barge. Truthfully, he just didn't care that much about whether he hurt anyone. He hasn't for awhile now. Except...

Except.]

You already have your own emissary?

[That's only a little bit of a surprise, really. Scott, back home, after all, sort of had an emissary in Alan Deaton. But technically Deaton is the Hale family emissary. He's not sure how that piece of it works, really. If once a pack's alpha dies, the pack's emissary simply retires or if they find a new pack.]

[Allison nodded, looking a little sheepish as she did. After all, she wasn't actually an Alpha yet. She had all these trappings: Betas, an emissary, she was leader of her pack...if not for the role she'd been trained to fill in her family, she probably never could have handled any of this. She led her pack like a clan of hunters, peppered with instincts and compulsions that sprang from her animal nature...and by sheer luck, it seemed to work.

She was just secretly afraid she might not be worthy of all the trust placed in her.]

I do...sort of. There's an Alpha in my world, a great man named Deucalion? He took in an emissary named Julia Baccari after her Alpha slaughtered her own pack in the name of gaining power. She was a lot like the Scott we know now, killing Betas to become stronger. She worked with his emissary for a while, but when he joined us, she offered to serve the Argent pack. She's the sweetest woman, and very knowledgable...she was left with some pretty horrible scars from her Alpha, but you could never hope to meet a more beautiful person.

[His features visibly darken at the mention of Deucalion and Julia and he barely suppresses a low growl.]

I know who they are. [There's no mistaking the bitterness in his voice.] They're not good people in my world. Or they weren't. They're dead now.

[A shadow clouds Allison's features as she lowers her gaze, nodding as she rolls her lips together in a fretful gesture.]

Yeah, they're not good people in Lydia's world, either. Which..I guess I could see how that can happen? But the ones I know...Deucalion's a very wise man, and he cares deeply for his pack. He's always been an advocate for peace with the hunters, and thanks to my grandfather it cost him his vision. He said he was angry for a long time, but he found his way in helping others. People like Julia...and people like me.

[Her expression softened with affection and admiration as she thought about Deucalion...leading him by the arm as they took walks to keep a watchful eye on Gerard and Victoria's activities and the long talks they had...running with him under the full moon, powerful and deadly, eyes burning like coals and whole again during his shift...]

I think it was Lydia I told...Deucalion likes to say that losing his sight gave him clearer vision than most. It's very true. Everything I want to be as a leader, I learned from my father, but everything I want to be as an Alpha? I learned from him...and I know I'm right, because the version of Scott we met in the arena? He easily could have been a student of the Deucalion I know.

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18. You want a revelation/Some kind of resolution/Tell me what you want me to say

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