voluntaryapnea | 18. You want a revelation/Some kind of resolution/Tell me what you want me to say

[Open Zero Spam]

[Stiles sits with his back to the wall in a cell in Zero, scowl etched onto his features. He can hear Jackson's heart beating from across the hall and he wishes he'd ripped it out of his chest so at least he'd have some peace and quiet while he's stuck down here. Being alone would be better than being stuck in the same vicinity as Jackson Whittemore.

He shuts his eyes and covers his ears with his hands, forcing himself to take slow, deep breaths. He doesn't know exactly how containment down here works, but he knows that short of someone letting him out, he's trapped for now.

It's fine. He'll deal. He always does. He's not thrilled about it, because there are things he could be doing if he wasn't locked in a freaking jail cell.

He opens his eyes again when he hears the distant echo of footsteps approaching -- but whether they're approaching his cell or Jackson's, or if someone else is being locked up -- that he's not sure about yet.

So he stares at the bars ahead, eyes dark and narrow. Waiting.]

[Public Voice Post]

[He's never done well with boredom. After several hours of sitting in relative silence, he picks up his comm. The boredom is as evident in his tone as the sarcastic taunting.]

I have to say that if this is the worst you people can do for punishment, I'm severely disappointed. No wonder our barge graduates more people than yours. You don't even have an ounce of creativity.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Allison's smile grows fonder at the question, even as her chest tightens with a small swell of joy that makes her forget how uncomfortable this separation is for a moment, because they aren't separate in that moment.

She's reaching him. She's getting through to him, and it feels wonderful.]

We don't lie to him, and we don't give up on him. He can't escape from the truth, and if we stick with him, prove that we care, he won't want to. And trust me, it does work.

[Her smile grows, and with a deep breath, she reaches through the bars, extending a hand towards him, inviting him closer.]

After all...we've been talking a whole five minutes without arguing.

[He's always made it a practice not to lie to Scott, aside from one thing. And that one thing had been more of an omission of truth that Scott didn't need to know and Stiles'd kept it to himself to protect him. These days there's no reason to lie anyway. Scott always knows when someone is lying. He pushes his tongue against his teeth, eying Allison's hand and moving a little closer but not taking it.]

You didn't want this. To be a werewolf. [Once upon a time, Stiles hadn't wanted it either. It had scared the hell out of him, and for good reason. But when he'd arrived on the Barge and Scott had offered him the bite, he hadn't so much as hesitated.]

Why are you just...so willing to forgive?

No, I didn't. [She smiles as he inches closer, lowering her hand to rest on the ground, but still through the bars, still waiting for him to reach out and take it.

She takes the moment to really consider his question, and her smile grows wistful.] It's funny, but for a long time I was angry at Scott for betraying my trust...for forcing me, for taking away my humanity. I struggled for a long time after The Bite, for control. I had to be locked up tight during every full moon, and when I got angry...which was a lot...

[She trails off, looking down at her hand on the ground. She tries to will her claws to extend, but nothing happens. It irritates her, and she frowns...but she's not angry.]

My anchor was hard to find because it was the thing I fear most...violence. To control the wolf, I had to give into it completely...the violence, the bloodlust, the lack of reason and morality, or so I believed. I gave in...I let the wolf take me.

[She looks up at him, her smile sweet and bright.]

And here I am. I was so afraid that my violent nature made me a bad person, but it doesn't. It's what I do with it that makes me who I am...my emissary says the day I found my anchor was the day I started changing. Becoming a True Alpha...and I laid to rest a lot of personal demons, too. I was raised to be a soldier, a leader, and I was always worried I'd be like my mother and my grandfather...and if not for the Bite? I'd still be afraid...and I might have been like them anyway.

So...forgiving Scott for forcing me? Betraying my trust? That will take time, but turning me? [She shakes her head confidently.] No. I forgave him for taking my humanity a long time ago...hell, I'm more wolf than human now, and I'm okay with it. I miss being human...but it's nice not to doubt myself anymore. Not to be afraid of my own shadow self. I get the feeling that she...the other me...is very afraid of that.

[He still doesn't, though he looks kind of torn about it. For now, his stubbornness wins out. He listens as she talks about having to be locked up after the bite. He probably should have been, though the full moon hasn't really been an issue considering there's no full moon when he's on the barge. Truthfully, he just didn't care that much about whether he hurt anyone. He hasn't for awhile now. Except...

Except.]

You already have your own emissary?

[That's only a little bit of a surprise, really. Scott, back home, after all, sort of had an emissary in Alan Deaton. But technically Deaton is the Hale family emissary. He's not sure how that piece of it works, really. If once a pack's alpha dies, the pack's emissary simply retires or if they find a new pack.]

[Allison nodded, looking a little sheepish as she did. After all, she wasn't actually an Alpha yet. She had all these trappings: Betas, an emissary, she was leader of her pack...if not for the role she'd been trained to fill in her family, she probably never could have handled any of this. She led her pack like a clan of hunters, peppered with instincts and compulsions that sprang from her animal nature...and by sheer luck, it seemed to work.

She was just secretly afraid she might not be worthy of all the trust placed in her.]

I do...sort of. There's an Alpha in my world, a great man named Deucalion? He took in an emissary named Julia Baccari after her Alpha slaughtered her own pack in the name of gaining power. She was a lot like the Scott we know now, killing Betas to become stronger. She worked with his emissary for a while, but when he joined us, she offered to serve the Argent pack. She's the sweetest woman, and very knowledgable...she was left with some pretty horrible scars from her Alpha, but you could never hope to meet a more beautiful person.

[His features visibly darken at the mention of Deucalion and Julia and he barely suppresses a low growl.]

I know who they are. [There's no mistaking the bitterness in his voice.] They're not good people in my world. Or they weren't. They're dead now.

[A shadow clouds Allison's features as she lowers her gaze, nodding as she rolls her lips together in a fretful gesture.]

Yeah, they're not good people in Lydia's world, either. Which..I guess I could see how that can happen? But the ones I know...Deucalion's a very wise man, and he cares deeply for his pack. He's always been an advocate for peace with the hunters, and thanks to my grandfather it cost him his vision. He said he was angry for a long time, but he found his way in helping others. People like Julia...and people like me.

[Her expression softened with affection and admiration as she thought about Deucalion...leading him by the arm as they took walks to keep a watchful eye on Gerard and Victoria's activities and the long talks they had...running with him under the full moon, powerful and deadly, eyes burning like coals and whole again during his shift...]

I think it was Lydia I told...Deucalion likes to say that losing his sight gave him clearer vision than most. It's very true. Everything I want to be as a leader, I learned from my father, but everything I want to be as an Alpha? I learned from him...and I know I'm right, because the version of Scott we met in the arena? He easily could have been a student of the Deucalion I know.

18. You want a revelation/Some kind of resolution/Tell me what you want me to say

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