voluntaryapnea | 16. And all the roads we have to walk are winding

[Video -- Public]

[The video feed opens to reveal the deck of the ship. A second later you can see Stiles leaning against the railing, a troubled expression on his face. He's pretty sure he already has the answer to the question he's about to pose, but he wants to be sure. He glances over his shoulder, up at the sky.]

Okay so is it just me, or are the stars...a lot less bright than usual? [He shifts so that he's holding the comm up so everyone can see what he's talking about.]

Is this another Mirror Barge sign?

[Spam for Kira -- Pub]

[He makes it to the Pub in less than the ten minutes that he agreed to meet Kira. It's closed, but he uses his warden's item and lets himself in. He's already perusing the alcohol choices when he hears her footsteps approaching and his head pops up from behind the bar. He gives her a small smile before ducking down again.]

So what's your poison, my friend?

[Spam for Scott]

[It's much later now. So late he doesn't actually even know what time it is. He's not entirely sure where he's even going until he finds himself in front of Scott's closed door. Oh. Apparently that's where. He has a half-drunk bottle of Jack in his left hand and his vision is just a bit bleary. He already has a headache, and realistically he knows he should just go to his own cabin, down some aspirin, drink some water, and crawl into bed for the next twelve or so hours. But he doesn't feel like being alone tonight.

Kira was great company, but they parted ways awhile ago and he's been wandering the corridors since. He briefly contemplate just going up to the deck again. Laying beneath the stars and staring up, but the way they've gotten dimmer freaks him out when he's completely sober, let alone when he's drunk. And the rational part of his brain that's still functioning tells him that he shouldn't be out and about when there are at least two people on the Barge who would probably like to see him dead.

Still. Where once he wouldn't have hesitated to just barge in on his best friend, he knows Scott's dealing with a lot already and a drunken Stiles probably isn't something he should have to deal with. He sighs and pushes himself away from the door, stumbling a little and rubbing a hand over his face as he heads back toward the stairs.]

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Yeah - yeah. I know Jean.

[The crazy thing is, Steve's just always seen Bucky as his responsibility - and, lately, his mistake. His wrong to right. He's afraid to lean on anyone else for help, while even at the same time, he's afraid he doesn't have what it takes to make things right.

Not that it means he's giving up. Not having what it takes has never been enough to stop him from going after something he wants.

But here... ] It's - really good, you know? To have you guys looking out for Bucky, too. I appreciate it.

[And he does. Even if Stiles is right - Steve's got the best chance of getting through to him, no matter what this is, and he knows it.] Don't worry. I'm pretty persistent. And I'm not giving up on him, whatever this is.

But if it's this Mirror Barge... I feel like something's going to happen soon. We'd all better be ready.

[It isn't crazy. He knows that Bucky's always felt the same about Steve -- that taking care of and watching after Steve is his responsibility. It's the same way that he's always felt about Scott, and he doesn't have to ask Scott to know the reverse is also true. They're brothers. They look after each other. Take care of each other.]

Yeah, well. He's a good guy. So are you. [A faint smile touches his mouth.] Bet you didn't count on adopting -- or being adopted by a ragtag group of teenagers when you came here.

[He nods at the reassurance.]

I know you are. [He looks down at the mention of the Mirror Barge.] Yeah. Yeah, as ready as we can be anyway.

He is. The best I know. [And he means that. He's always wanted to be more like Bucky. Or to be someone that's worth the loyalty Bucky gives him.

Although hearing he's a good guy, too, is just always... reassuring. He tries. But what really gets the smile is the next bit.] No - no, I definitely didn't. But you know, it's the stuff I never counted on that ends up being the most important, if you ask me. [So yeah, you guys have him as much as he's got you. Just for the record.]

I think just knowing it's coming is something. Even if we don't know how to prepare - knowing that is valuable, in and of itself.

[He knows Steve means that as much as Stiles means the same thing when he says it about Scott. He thinks it's a part of the reason he's clicked so well with Bucky and Steve both.

He grins at Steve's words, nodding. He believes that, too. Then he exhales as they go back to talk of the Mirror Barge.]</small. I'm assuming Bucky's probably told you about last time?

[Maybe it is. It can't hurt to have people around that care as much about the people you care about as you do - hell, it can't hurt to have people around that care, period. It doesn't exactly seem to be a requirement for wardening, Steve's noted.

He doesn't look overly happy thinking about what he's been told, but that's because it was pretty bad.] Some, yeah. It sounds like it was a rough time. [And then some.] But I'm guessing we can expect more of the same.

[Caring definitely isn't always part of the warden package. It probably should be, and Stiles thinks it is in most cases. But there's always an exception to the rules. Always.

And the entire Mirror Barge operates on the premise that wardening doesn't require an ounce of compassion or caring.]

Yeah. You're not wrong. [He's quiet for a moment.] My other self is uh -- a werewolf. I don't know much about him. I didn't get any of his memories or anything. I was myself. But Scott and Lydia...weren't themselves.

[And that he remembers all too vividly.]

[Basically, Steve's only gotten the barest details and accounts of the last time, but he liked pretty much nothing about what he heard. And he knows there are a lot of blanks in his knowledge.]

Right. [He nods - honestly, it sounds like it might be better not to have gotten memories from your mirror self, even if it could have been helpful. Bucky certainly doesn't seem better for it.] What were they like?

Well. Scott's a power hungry werewolf with control issues. He killed Lydia right in front of me. Snapped her neck.

[And wow that's a memory he'd love to be rid of, and pretty sure he won't ever be.]

And she's...manipulative. They hate each other. They're in rival packs where they're from. And other me doesn't want to choose between them so...

[His voice trails off.]

[Steve digests all of that, and he is not happy about it. He's not happy about any of this. And if you subscribe to the theory that floods and Mirror Barges and what have you are all real things, real universes, real possibilities of what could have been... he likes it even less.]

That sounds like it would have been tough, for anyone. Choosing between people you care about never ends well. Neither does not choosing.

[But he can imagine Stiles might not want to talk about that.]

So if all the wardens are pretty bad people, I don't suppose the inmates are good ones, on the other side?

[Yeah, he doesn't sound hopeful that that's the case, either. But he's only talked to wardens, mostly, about this kind of thing. And Mindy wasn't so forthcoming about the inmate situation over there.]

[Stiles doesn't like it either. And it had been tough. He can't imagine a situation -- any situation -- in which choosing between his best friend and the girl he'd loved since he was in third grade could ever end well. It's why he's dreading this whole mirror barge thing happening again. But he also knows that Steve is right. Not choosing is eventually going to backfire on the other Stiles, too. But that's not his problem. Maybe it's a cold way to feel, maybe he should have more sympathy for his other self, but he just doesn't have that much sympathy in him in general.]

Yeah basically. Or at least the other inmates that I met seemed to be good people. Like we're trying to rehabilitate and help here? Over there the wardens are trying to break the inmates' spirits. Get them demoted to being wardens themselves.

[It can't possibly end well, no - and no, it's not Stiles' problem. Not this Stiles, at least. Although it still sounds like a crappy position to be in, and Steve can feel sorry about that, at least.

Although honestly, the position the inmates over there are in sounds even worse.] That sounds - horrible, honestly. [That's not the way to help anyone.

Then again, it doesn't sound like those wardens are trying to help anyone.]

Maybe it makes sense, if that whole universe is terrible, like that.

[And it sort of comes back to his question, way back after that flood where Bucky was Becky... about what it really means, if all those universes are out there. How do you fix something like that? How do you deal with the fact that maybe you can't?]

So if we run into them, the inmates won't trust any wardens here, either - I mean, even less than inmates trust us in general.

16. And all the roads we have to walk are winding

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