22. A monster, a monster, I've turned into a monster

[voluntaryapnea]

Who: Stiles Stilinski, bad dreams and YOU.
Where: Stiles' mind and then...Scott's room, the kitchen, and Scott's room again.
When: Throughout the "Less Than Thou Showest" flood, January 25th - 29th.
What: Stiles' mind is a scary place. It gets scarier when the nightmares aren't even his.
Warnings: Blood, death, violence, attempted suicide, drowning.
Note: Open to anyone, planned or not!

He hasn't had nightmares like this in awhile. But now he can't seem to shut them off. It's not like it was once, where everytime he woke up he's screaming. But it's not pleasant, and it's not his idea of a good time, and by the time he convinces himself to leave Scott's comatized body and go to the kitchen for caffeine, he feels like a zombie.

He makes it back to Scott's cabin in record time, drinking down the hot beverage so fast that it burns his mouth and then his throat.

He mumbles some curses and waits impatiently for the beverage to cool down before taking another long drink. Frankly he wishes it was something stronger.

A lot stronger.

Comments

[fridgetothefire]

Something similar happened when I was new. Rabies, modified with nanites. Made you feverish and furious and paranoid, and I was already more paranoid than the average bear. And there was this sideways version of my father - I had this whole plan. Get him before he got me.

[voluntaryapnea]

[He pauses at that, frowns as he watches her. The nanites make him think of people no longer on the barge, and he wonders, distantly, how they're doing now.]

So what happened?

[fridgetothefire]

[She sips her own coffee, solemn, distant.]

I went to the showers and killed myself. I told my warden not to bring me back until it was over.

It wasn't that I objected to killing, you understand. But I didn't want to do it unless I'd actually decided to. I didn't want to be out of control and do it out of madness and maybe lose something precious.

[voluntaryapnea]

[That makes him drop his gaze to his cup of coffee, staring at it for a moment before taking another drink. He knows he would have died that day if Scorpius hadn't found him and taken him to the Infirmary. If Jack hadn't been there to work on him, to give him a blood transfusion.]

I don't like the feeling of not being in control. [He knows that many people feel that way, just as he knows that believing you're always in control is a joke. Sometimes bad shit just happens.]

How long ago was that?

[fridgetothefire]

About two years, barge time. Nearly three for me.

I'm not saying it was exactly the same, or anything. Just - I know what it feels like to be - up against a wall in your own head. It sucks a lot.

[voluntaryapnea]

[He nods, looking down and falling silent. He can't argue against that. It definitely sucks. It isn't even that he's not used to the feeling of helplessness because he's been familiar with that since he was six and Scott had his first asthma attack in front of him. And then with his mom's illness. And then every time that his dad got hurt, or someone in the pack got hurt or worse. The Nogitsune is really just the latest in a long line of causing helpless feelings.]

And when you when you woke up -- how was it then?

[fridgetothefire]

Miserable. But I'd tolled before, I knew what I was in for. And - satisfying, too. A little triumphant.

[Maybe that says odd things about her. But maybe not.]

[voluntaryapnea]

Because it means you were in control of things.

[At least he assumes that's what she means. It makes sense.]