voluntaryapnea

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19.

[Audio -- Open]

[The comm clicks onto audio and there's a moment of silence before a familiar voice -- albeit more tired than usual -- makes an announcement that it's clear he'd rather not be making. Because he'd rather not be making it.]

Dean's in a coma.

[He pauses, rubs a hand over his eyes tiredly as he looks down at his inmate, unconscious in bed and purses his lips.]

I'll let everyone know when he's awake again unless he does it first.

[He shuts the comm back off and sinks into a chair beside Dean's bed, closing his eyes.]

[Spam -- Open]

[He's exhausted. His body aches. He wants to crawl into bed and sleep for the next week. He won't, of course, because he has things to do. People to check on. But he's in dire need of his Adderall because he's been without it for a month. On the list of things that he'd needed, that they'd all needed on the other barge, Adderall hadn't even made the list. His mind is racing with thoughts and he can't seem to be able to focus on any one thought for another.

He's back on the regular barge, and he needs to find Scott and make sure he's okay. He needs to find Lydia and make sure she's been okay. Allison, Kira, Isaac, Erica, Needy, Bucky, Steve. Hell, even Jackson. He needs to check on all of them and see for himself they're all right. Rest isn't going to happen until he's made the rounds.

But medication first. He makes his way down the steps toward the seventh floor and his room. He can be encountered in any of the stairwells, or the seventh floor corridor.]

[Spam -- Closed to Lydia]

[He slips his key into the door and unlocks it, pushes it open even as he rubs the back of his neck. He freezes instantly, gaze locking on Lydia's form as she sits on the edge of his bed. He lets out a shaky breath and closes the door behind him, letting his hands drop to his sides.]

Hi.

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[Of course she'd been having success with Jackson. She was Lydia. In Stiles' mind there wasn't much of anything she couldn't do successfully when she set herself on it.

But he'd always had a great amount of faith in certain people. His dad, Scott. Lydia. It's always been himself he doesn't have faith in at the end of the day. But that's neither here nor there.]

Yeah. I just -- I need to check on him here but I need -- I just need a minute.

[With her. He needs a minute with her.]

[She closes her eyes at his words and nods to herself. She doesn't want to leave, she doesn't want to be anywhere else now that he's back. She's missed him and she wants to help comfort him.

But as far as he knows, his request seems to be pretty clear. She doesn't know where she's gonna go and what she's gonna do, but if this is what he wants.]

I can go. [She whispers, even though she makes no move to get up. She can't really, not with the way he's leaning on her. But he never really asked her to be there in the first place.]

What? No.

[He lifts his head, then lifts a hand to her cheek, leaning in and pressing a kiss to her forehead. Give Lydia a kiss, Allison had said. This probably isn't what she meant. He's sure it isn't. But for now it'll have to suffice because it's been a month since he's seen her and there is so much more to consider now than there had been.]

I don't want you to go. I just -- I need to check on Scott and make sure he's back and okay, but...I don't want you to go.

[He looks down and lets out a breath, rubbing his hand over his face tiredly.]

[Lydia closes her eyes for a moment as he presses his lips to her forehead, sighing softly in relief as he tells her he doesn't want him to go.]

It's okay. I don't wanna go anywhere. [She reaches over and cups the hand he has over his face.]

You look [terrible] exhausted, Stiles. Why don't you check on Scott and get some rest? I can stay. [She wants to stay. She wants to rest, too. She's been exhausted herself. But his, Scott's, Allison's, Kira's and the rest of the pack safety comes first.]

[He relaxes at that admission, nodding slightly and pulling her close again. This time he rests his forehead on her shoulder, exhaling slowly.]

Exhausted's a pretty accurate descriptor. [But there's one thing he has to know before he goes anywhere.]

He was here right? Other me? He was here.

[When he relaxes, she does too, shifting closer to him again as she brushes her fingers over his hair then lays her cheek over his head when he leans on her again. It's a relief just to have him there.]

Yeah. He was here. [So were Scott, Allison and worst of all: Kira.]

And you were there with the other me, right?

[He nods at her confirmation and he closes his eyes for a moment, lifting his head to look at her again.]

Yeah. She helped me a lot over there.

[His words are quiet and he searches her eyes.]

[She lets her hand drop down from his hair to cup his face as he pulls away. And she wants to lean in and press her lips to his, but she doesn't know what happened. She doesn't know what he's been through so she doesn't. Not yet, anyway.

The words surprise her, though.]

She didn't hurt you?

[He leans into her touch, and shakes his head just a little, not pulling away from her.]

She didn't hurt me. She helped. Every time I needed help, she helped me. She helped get medical supplies when Bucky needed them, and -- [He hesitates for a second, shifting and revealing the more recent bite marks on his neck.] She went after Jerry after he bit me.

[Lydia can barely make out the bite marks on his neck, but she can feel them as she very gently runs her fingers over them.]

Stiles-- what did he do to you? [She thought about them, about how they were doing over there every day for the past month. But she always tried to fool herself into thinking that at least they were together. That they were okay.

That obviously wasn't the case.]

What did she do?

[He closes his eyes as she brushes her fingers over the healing wound.]

He would have done a lot more if Dean hadn't shown up when he did. He just bit me. I'm okay. I didn't -- I didn't turn or anything. [His voice wavers just a bit at the word turn. Because Jerry hadn't turned him, but he'd sure as hell turned others. Chris. Mickey.]

She set him on fire. With a Molotov cocktail.

[Lydia sighs in relief and nods, pulling her hand away from the wounds and resting it over the back of his neck.]

I wish we could do something to him that'd just-- get rid of his fangs permanently or something. But I guess walking around with Molotov cocktails is a good enough start.

I-- talked to the other Jerry. The one who was here. He was human, and a vampire hunter.

Yeah. [He nods, relaxing a little, even though he winces at the mention of other Jerry.] Yeah. I know. I uh -- I remember him. From the Arena. I remember [scaring the shit out] him.

[He bites his lip for a second and then reaches up and moves her hand off the back of his neck, linking his fingers through hers.]

He didn't hurt you, right?

[His voice is hushed now.]

Other me, I mean.

[She wraps her fingers around his instantly, smiling softly both at the memory of the look on his other self's face when she took his hand for the first time. And at the reminder that her Stiles is back. It's enough to make her eyes tear up slightly.]

No. He didn't. He wouldn't, Stiles.

He's not you. But he still wants to be good. He was-- I think he was better by the time he left. More hopeful.

[He exhales, shutting his eyes as he nods. He was pretty sure his other self wouldn't hurt any version of Lydia that existed. Or any version of Scott. It was everyone else that he was a danger to.]

I have his memories. Some of them. Up until we split after the Arena.

[He looks down at the floor.]

His Scott died at the Glen Capri.

I know. [He didn't say in so many words, she just knew that he died, and she assumed she knew when. But now she can picture it happening and-- that makes it so much worse.

So she squeezes his hand tightly.]

Don't, Stiles. Look at me. Don't think about. Not now.

You're back. And your Scott is okay. [No matter how much she hopes that the other Stiles is okay too, that he found his Lydia, at least. And that they can help each other start over.]

[The sudden, tight pressure on his hand pulls him away from that horrible memory and he looks up at her with watery eyes, nodding.]

Yeah. Yeah, I know. I just...I get it. Why he snapped. I get it. [He wipes at his eyes with the back of his free hand before sniffing and exhaling slowly.]

I wasn't sure we were gonna get back here. I mean usually it doesn't take this long for one of these kinds of things to be done, but the longer it went on...I just wasn't sure.

You didn't know... of course you didn't. [She knew the Admiral from there didn't communicate with them as often. And considering their Admiral had a hard time catching up to the other Barge...

Her chest is tight all of the sudden and she squeezes his hand before letting go and brushing the tears from his face gently, even though her own eyes are tearing up.]

I'm so sorry you had a whole month without knowing. We were trying to catch up to you all along.

[He tries to smile but doesn't quite manage to pull it off.]

Yeah I knew if you had any say in things, you were trying to get him to come after us. I just wasn't...[He shrugs a little. He'd lost faith in the admiral after the first couple weeks. He'd thought they were trapped with no way to get back to their ship, or even back home.]

You've really been okay?

[She brushes her thumb over his cheek and nods, then shakes her head a second later.]

I wasn't hurt, or anything. I think the worst of it was there, with you guys. [And that's not entirely true, but he doesn't need to hear about the other Scott. And he definitely never needs to hear about Kira.

She takes a deep breath and looks at him, brushing her thumb over his cheek.]

I just really missed you. [And she felt so lost without all of the pack.]

[He meets her eyes and holds her gaze for a moment, then lifts his hand to her cheek as well. He hesitates for a second. He's spent a month on a ship that could easily be considered one of the circles of hell, and his best friend had died and come back, and he hadn't been sure that he was ever going to see her again. The whirling thoughts come to an abrupt halt when he gives in, tilting her head back just a little and pressing his lips to hers in a soft kiss.]

[When he leans closer, she hold his gaze until she can't see him anymore. She lets her eyes drift shut and presses her lips to his, too. Although the kiss is soft, she shifts closer to him. She still doesn't know what this is or what he wants but with how much she's missed him, she knows this is a step toward what she wants. What she needs, this closeness and this reminder he's really there.]

[He relaxes the rest of the way, tension draining from his body as his free arm circles her waist and pulls her in closer, resting his forehead against hers as the kiss ends.]

I missed you too. [His voice is soft, barely a whisper.] So much, Lydia.

[She relaxes, too. Pressing a soft kiss against the corner of his mouth. Relieved to know that regardless of what happened this month, at least this is still the same. Whatever it is. She keeps her eyes closed but doesn't pull away.]

You're here now. [She pulls back just enough to look at him.] I'm here.

Edited 2014-11-16 03:29 (UTC)

[He nods slightly, opening his eyes to look at her. He's there now. They both are. And that's what matters. The last month had been horrible in more ways than he could actually count, but no one had promised this wardening gig would be an easy one. It shouldn't be easy.

But now at least, it's more bearable.

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