No, I didn't. [She smiles as he inches closer, lowering her hand to rest on the ground, but still through the bars, still waiting for him to reach out and take it.
She takes the moment to really consider his question, and her smile grows wistful.] It's funny, but for a long time I was angry at Scott for betraying my trust...for forcing me, for taking away my humanity. I struggled for a long time after The Bite, for control. I had to be locked up tight during every full moon, and when I got angry...which was a lot...
[She trails off, looking down at her hand on the ground. She tries to will her claws to extend, but nothing happens. It irritates her, and she frowns...but she's not angry.]
My anchor was hard to find because it was the thing I fear most...violence. To control the wolf, I had to give into it completely...the violence, the bloodlust, the lack of reason and morality, or so I believed. I gave in...I let the wolf take me.
[She looks up at him, her smile sweet and bright.]
And here I am. I was so afraid that my violent nature made me a bad person, but it doesn't. It's what I do with it that makes me who I am...my emissary says the day I found my anchor was the day I started changing. Becoming a True Alpha...and I laid to rest a lot of personal demons, too. I was raised to be a soldier, a leader, and I was always worried I'd be like my mother and my grandfather...and if not for the Bite? I'd still be afraid...and I might have been like them anyway.
So...forgiving Scott for forcing me? Betraying my trust? That will take time, but turning me? [She shakes her head confidently.] No. I forgave him for taking my humanity a long time ago...hell, I'm more wolf than human now, and I'm okay with it. I miss being human...but it's nice not to doubt myself anymore. Not to be afraid of my own shadow self. I get the feeling that she...the other me...is very afraid of that.
[spam]
She takes the moment to really consider his question, and her smile grows wistful.] It's funny, but for a long time I was angry at Scott for betraying my trust...for forcing me, for taking away my humanity. I struggled for a long time after The Bite, for control. I had to be locked up tight during every full moon, and when I got angry...which was a lot...
[She trails off, looking down at her hand on the ground. She tries to will her claws to extend, but nothing happens. It irritates her, and she frowns...but she's not angry.]
My anchor was hard to find because it was the thing I fear most...violence. To control the wolf, I had to give into it completely...the violence, the bloodlust, the lack of reason and morality, or so I believed. I gave in...I let the wolf take me.
[She looks up at him, her smile sweet and bright.]
And here I am. I was so afraid that my violent nature made me a bad person, but it doesn't. It's what I do with it that makes me who I am...my emissary says the day I found my anchor was the day I started changing. Becoming a True Alpha...and I laid to rest a lot of personal demons, too. I was raised to be a soldier, a leader, and I was always worried I'd be like my mother and my grandfather...and if not for the Bite? I'd still be afraid...and I might have been like them anyway.
So...forgiving Scott for forcing me? Betraying my trust? That will take time, but turning me? [She shakes her head confidently.] No. I forgave him for taking my humanity a long time ago...hell, I'm more wolf than human now, and I'm okay with it. I miss being human...but it's nice not to doubt myself anymore. Not to be afraid of my own shadow self. I get the feeling that she...the other me...is very afraid of that.