voluntaryapnea | 14. A warning to the people/The good and the evil/This is war.

14. A warning to the people/The good and the evil/This is war.

[Video -- Filtered Against Jerry]

For those of you who don't know, there's a vampire on the Barge named Jerry. He hasn't been here long and he's not a very nice guy. Mountain ash can trap him someplace, or keep him out of a place. It acts like a supernatural barrier. I've asked the Admiral for more. I have some already, but not enough for everyone.

[His jaw tightens a little. His face is just a slight shade paler than usual, but if you haven't really paid attention to that sort of thing -- you're not likely to notice.]

Someone with a shitload of super powers should probably go let him out of the laundry room. But be careful. He's probably really pissed off about now.

[He looks like he wants to say something else, but he doesn't. He just disconnects the feed.]

[Private to Werewolf Friends]

Obviously you guys can't handle mountain ash. So you're going to need to be extra careful with this douchewad. We don't know what kind of damage a vampire could do to one of you.

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Get to the infirmary, and tell me what he did.

[Her jaw is set, her eyes are narrowed, and she's already got her ring daggers visible in one hand, tucking the sheath into the back of her jeans.

Her hands are visibly shaking with rage.]

I'm waiting on Lydia to get here, but listen to me. I'm fine. And now we know a way to stop him.

[A way that won't land with you ending up demoted, Allison.]

Until Jerry is no longer an issue, I want you to stay with Lydia. You guys will be safer together.

[And by that, she means she's going to kill Jerry. Slow.

If her hands will stop shaking...]

[His jaw tightens and he forces himself to take a deep breath.]

Listen to me. Even if you kill him, he'll just come back. Over and over again. You'll get demoted. And how do you think Lydia and Isaac and Scott will feel having to see you be a prisoner after everything? Take a deep breath and calm down.

Isaac and Scott could be next, I want that bloodsucker dead.

[Allison's voice cracks at the end, and angry tears are gleaming in her eyes. She can see a stack of bodies piling up, others...Duke, Tig, Needy, everyone she cares about, and it's starting with her pack from home.

She nearly killed a whole pack over her mother's death, a woman she no longer even likes. Demotion for protecting her pack...

If anyone else had warned her off, she would forget why she was here. She wouldn't care...but this was Stiles.

This was the reason she was here.

Setting her jaw, Allison shook her head, removed her daggers...then turned and flung the sheath and blades across the room as hard as she could with a howl of fury and a clatter as it skittered across the ground.]

And so do I. [It isn't a lie at all. Stiles does want Jerry dead. Jerry hurt Lydia. And Mason. He would've hurt Allison, too, if he'd gotten the chance.

He sees it too. People dying. People he loves dying. It makes him feel sick.

But it can't be Allison. For so many reasons, he can't let it be her. He winces as she turns and flings her blades across the room. He shuts his eyes for a minute.]

Zane went to get him. He can handle him. He's probably gonna haul his ass back down to Zero and let him cool his heels for awhile.

Not good enough.

[Her voice is flat and toneless as she continues to face away from the feed.

She's never wanted to kill so badly in her life. She has all the tools, she has the capacity for it...this isn't the cold, still place where she actually kills, this is the thing she imagines werewolves must feel on the full moon.

Bloodlust. Something angry and desperate and burning her from the inside out.]

I. Want. Jerry. Dead.

[And she wanted to be the one to kill him...if her friends would fucking let her.]

Trust me, Allison. There's probably literally no one else on this ship who gets that the way that I do.

[His own voice is bitter, angry. Not at her, just in general. But he has to try and stay rational.]

Do you know how willing I was to kill Jackson when he was kanima'd? [It may have come off as semi-joking, but he hadn't been. And it had nothing to do with his personal dislike of the guy. It had to do with saving lives -- particularly the lives of people he cares about.]

Look, there's a pretty famous quote that warns about gazing into the abyss because the abyss gazes back. And you and I've both gazed into that abyss and come back from it, but every time it happens...[He rubs a hand over his face.]

Every time it happens, I feel something in me that's -- scary. That's dangerous. And I don't want to be that person. I know you don't either.

What makes you think I'm not already?

[The words are sharp, but they come automatically, without hesitation...quieter, less venomous. There is, from Allison, a weight of truth to them as she turns back around to face Stiles in the feed. Her expression is still angry, but her shoulders are relaxed with a cold sort of confidence...a certainty that reflects things she normally tries to hide from the rest of her pack: how Allison truly sees herself.]

You know what I did after my mother died. You know who I hurt...you were willing to kill Jackson because he was a threat, to save people.

I do it because I can. [Because she enjoys it. So much she nearly killed Vernon Boyd. So much she couldn't stop herself from picking up a bow and entering the fray when the Alpha Pack came calling. Maybe her pack needed her, but loosing that first arrow...

The rush had been like a drug. And it still is, every single time. As afraid as she is for her friends, as hard as every fight can be...she's just like Jerry that way.

She's never truly happy unless she's got a war to fight.]

I'm a killer, Stiles. I am the abyss, and the only reason I'm not here as an inmate is because the pack found me before the family business did.

I'm aware of what you did, yeah. [He struggles, because there are conflicting emotions here. He knows what it's like to lose your mother, knows how that can completely wreck your world. He also hated her mother for what she'd tried to do to Scott. He doesn't want to feel that kind of hate, but he does. It's deep. Instinctual.]

I also know what it's like to lose a parent. [He tries, and mostly succeeds, at preventing the pain there from leaking into his voice.] I know what that does to a person. And it wasn't like you had all the facts. You think if someone hurt my dad-- [He can't bring himself to utter the words if someone killed my dad] -- I wouldn't go after them?

[It's her claim at being the abyss that makes him angry. His eyes narrow, his jaw tightens.]

But that? That's bullshit. Your dad? Isn't a bad person. You're not the abyss, Allison. You know what the Abyss is? The Abyss is absolute, total darkness. The Abyss is Void. It cares about nothing. No one. And maybe you teeter toward that when someone hurts someone you love or care about, but that doesn't mean you've become the Abyss. It has no soul. No warmth. No light. Nothing.

[His hands are shaking now and he doesn't even realize it.]

That's not who you are.

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14. A warning to the people/The good and the evil/This is war.

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